When I was very young, I wanted to be Laura Ingalls Wilder. I wanted to run barefoot in the grass and own a cow.
As a young adult, I wanted to live in the big city and travel the world.
Now that I have children, the dreams of having wide-open stretches of grass (and a cow to eat it) have been revived.
There’s only one problem. We can’t afford the wide-open stretches.
I’ve been very down about this at times. It feels a bit crushing to have these beautiful dreams that seem unattainable. Maybe you have felt this way, too. I’m tempted to feel like a failure, to look around at my life, and to find it drab and unfulfilling.
Last summer, I was visiting my aunt and uncle on their many-acre farm near an idyllic little river, along with my four children. It is a magical place. Dirt trails meander through blowsy forests. Large spruce, whose bottom branches arch all the way to the ground, provide secret hideouts. River beaches with warm sand and beautiful river rocks invite hours of play. Saskatoons grow in great numbers along the river and feed bears, birds, and excited children. Little groves of willow and tiny poplar dot the edges of wide, expansive fields.
One afternoon, the kids and I were exploring a new path (accompanied by the giant, bushy farm dogs). The boys were making stick swords, and the girls were picking posies. I was thinking how pleasant it would be if my family could own some land like this, so we could do this all the time! I felt the old familiar tinge of failure and discouragement. Then a little conversation with my 5-year-old daughter changed my point of view.
In her sweet little voice, she said, “I love coming to River Farm. This is my favorite place to visit!”
I asked her if she wished we lived here all the time.
“Not really,” she said. “I love our house too.”
That really surprised me. I had thought for sure she would emphatically say that she wished this were our permanent reality.
Then it hit me. Borrowed landscapes. Borrowed locations. Having real, fulfilling, amazing experiences that enrich our lives without living under the weight of the wish that everything could be permanent.
I realized how blessed my family was to come and borrow the landscape of my aunt and uncle’s beautiful farm. How my children could come here and build life skills I couldn’t offer them at home. How they could lead a magical existence for a time that our life in the city couldn’t offer. How the memories of our visits here would weave into the rest of our life and truly impact who we all were as people.
Now, don’t get me wrong. If you have a big dream to own land or change something about your life, definitely don’t give up on it! I’m not giving up on my dream either. My point is that in the in-between times, while the dream isn’t a reality yet, rely on the borrowed landscapes and locations around you to build beautiful moments and memories from.
My husband and I are living on one income, raising and home-educating our children. While I would love to live on an acreage at this exact moment, I know that I wouldn’t trade our life in order to have that dream. We will keep working and waiting until our dream of owning land and continuing to raise our kids in the same way can organically blend.
Maybe wide-open spaces don’t appeal to you. That’s ok! It could be that you live in an apartment with no backyard, or that your backyard is a tiny square. This was simply an experience that got me thinking about changing my perspective, so I believe it can apply to your situation as well. I am learning that I want to say no to feeling like my life isn’t enough, that it is a failure. I want to say yes to enjoying the beautiful places around me that enrich my life and my children's lives without having to “own” them.
This is why playgrounds, libraries, nature reserves, campgrounds, forested areas, rivers, and historical sites add so much value to our lives when we visit them with our kids. Why it’s so amazing to visit family members or friends who live in a different way than we do, to soak it all up and return to our lives with grateful hearts. And why it matters to invite others into our spaces as well.
So, if you’re like me and you’re waiting on a dream, don’t let the feelings of failure or discouragement get you down. Borrow some landscapes and build some great memories in that in-between time.
I’ll see you there.
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